Friday, April 9, 2010

The Naked Norwegian

Judy and her husband John lived in Jerusalem, which is a lovely city, especially if you like exploding coffee shops. Of course, not all of Jerusalem was prone to improved explosive zealots, and it was, after all, the Promised Land. Not only was it great if you wanted to take a pilgrimage through the Holy City, but there was actually some pretty fun stuff to do. Fun enough that John and Judy were lucky enough to host their Norwegians friends Erik and Karl.

Erik and Karl, being young men in their prime, decided that they should tour the city. John and Judy, being actual working people and not Norwegian tourists, went about their normal routines while Karl and Erik went out and painted the town red. This, it turns out, was not a particularly great decision.

Karl and Erik, being tourists, did not know enough to avoid the parts of town where the food may or may not be prepared by goat farmers who washed their hands once a week with used wet-naps. Karl seemed to weather the tainted food fairly well, but Erik's felafel seemed to be prophetic, because four hours later, he said, 'I feel awful.'

Only, you know, in Norwegian.

At any rate, it did not take long until Erik was laid up in Judy's guest room, alternately sleeping and vomiting into a bucket. Karl, very concerned for his food-poisoned friend, set out to procure medication. John was at work, leaving Judy to keep half an eye on Erik. Fortunately, Erik was currently passed out, so Judy went into her room to do a little cleaning.

After a while, Judy grew parched, and decided to get a drink. But as she walked into her kitchen, she was greeted by a decidedly uncomfortable sight. Erik's fever had broken (for the time being), and he was thirsty. So he wandered into the kitchen and got himself a glass of water. Naked.

Judy was slightly shocked at the bare-assed tourist in her kitchen, and retreated before Erik could see her. She hid in her room for several hours, until she heard Karl come back to the house. Then she hurried out to talk to him.

Judy mentioned the naked kitchen trip to Karl. Karl smiled and nodded, and explained that Norwegians are quite a bit more cavalier about free-swinging genitals. Erik would not have gone to the store in his birthday suit, but he thought nothing of stumbling around the house wearing only a smile. He promised to ask Erik to wear some clothing the next time he had to get out of bed.

The night passed uneventfully, with Erik sick in bed until morning. The next day, Karl and John set out, once more leaving Judy to tend the ailing guest. Judy went about her business, working around the house. By mid-afternoon, she decided it was time to break for lunch, and headed to the kitchen to make a sandwich.

Once more, there was Erik. Sick and thirsty, he had again ventured out for a drink. And this time, he was dressed.

Well, he was wearing a coat.

It matched his testicles perfectly.


  1. That's gotta be some wrinkly, scatteringly hairy, ugly coat.

  2. Depending on age, it may indeed be a grey and black "salt and pepa" tour jacket!